Week 25

I am definitely blogging a lot less this time round (compared to when I was pregnant with Ola).
Mostly because Ola has been keeping me plenty occupied everyday and I barely have time for myself anymore.

So quick updates.
I have been feeling more and more of BabyM's movement lately. (Yes I have also kind of decided on a name hence the "M").
Now that the second trimester is almost over, the fatigue seems to be back.
Together with increasing back aches and just the general inability to move around easily, the daily activities have become chores that suck up almost all my energy.

Another 4 months or so to go... So much more I have yet to prepare...

Week 13-15

On 30/09/13, I bluffed my way into a 4-D ultrasound scan.
I was at work and just couldn't concentrate... I felt like I had to see my baby.
And so I did.

As expected, he/she is rather skinny because it is still way too early in the pregnancy.
I think the whole idea has completely sunk in... after seeing the baby wriggle and move around on the screen... I can finally be convinced that I am really pregnant.

I don't know why but it was as if I only semi believed that I have a baby in me after so many years of longing and wishing.

And of course, that one burning question that I have in my mind since Day 1 (I am pretty sure MrP is dying to know as well but he is just playing it cool)... I just had to see the baby in 3D on the screen.
So far so good.

The hormones seem to have settled down somewhat. I am slightly less irritable, but it still doesn't take much to piss me off. I really need to try harder to keep the lid on.

Can't wait for the next check-up which will be next Friday!

Week 13

The 3rd check up was last Friday (20/09/13), we saw the blinking on the ultrasound which is the heartbeat. I saw the baby's hand moving and almost cried (but then again, it is not hard to make me cry these days.)
We got a "bottoms-up" view too but couldn't see any "kkb". So either it is too early or we are having *gasp* a girl!

The good news is there doesn't appear to be any intestines outside, think they have already moved into the abdomen. But we'll have to wait a month or so more to be sure.
Till today, this is my biggest fear. But I have learned to take it one day at a time.
There really isn't much I can do at this point anyways.

I know this is way too early but I have started to plan the full moon party already.
Am going through catering menus and actually ticking off items that I want to include... mostly foods that I like.
No wait, in fact, all foods that I like.
Looks like I am a rather self-centered host.

The moment we know the baby's gender, I can start planning the party theme and decor, and probably order door gifts too.
Looks like it is going to be one big party!

Another milestone for Ola

23rd September 2013 : First time he wears underpants. Mickey Mouse brief-type ones some more.
Big boy now.

Week 12 - Could it be?

I thought I felt some flutters inside last night while lying on the bed.
Not sure if that was the famed "quickening" or if it was just gas.

After 3 times, you'd think I would be an expert by now on these things.

At long last...

Finally a reason to start blogging again...

The beginning of this story dates back to 2011. Those who know me know how badly I want another baby. My clock is also ticking and soon, I'd be too old. But month after month, I have been slammed in the face by disappointment. So much so that I think I have gotten used to it.

This time round, I did what I usually do every month. I have become a slave to the urine-test-sticks industry. I even googled this behaviour and found that there were a lot of other women like me (in fact, loads of forums full of them). They call us POAS addicts. Pee-On-A-Stick.

I cannot even disclose how much I have spent on these tests over the past 2 years.

My monthly activity (or sometimes bi-monthly depending on how much inventory I have) involves me going to either Guardian or Watson's to clear their display shelves of ovulation and pregnancy test kits. Seriously. I clear the shelves.

July was no different... except I went a bit overboard and visited BOTH Guardian and Watson's in one day. For some reason, I felt that buying more would increase my chances of getting a positive.

And then I started the dreaded TWW (also known as the Two-Week-Weight).

It was the longest 2 weeks ever. Especially so as I was constantly checking off days on the calendar, counting down to when I can test again. 

Previous months, I had not been this obsessed. Something was very different this cycle.

Perhaps it was feeling the possible ovulation cramps/pains on 7th July 2013.

Then I watched and re-watched The Great Sperm Race. 

I visualized all of it happening in me. 

It was as if I was willing for fertilization and implantation to happen.

8dpo : I got sick of waiting and tested. Nada.
Really. What was I expecting.

12dpo : Tested. Still nada.Decided screw it. 

Went on the long anticipated trip with Likai and MrP.

Phantom of the Opera is in town!

14dpo : Bought a test in MBS. It looked like the faintest second line.

But it seemed to have vanished when I looked harder.

It was our last night there and we had planned on trying out this quaint Japanese craft brew. Besides I told myself it could be my last beers for a very long time so why not.

I only had 2 pints anyways.

15dpo : Back at home. Went straight to the bathroom.

I could not believe my eyes!

I finally did it!!!

Quickly made an appointment to see my miracle doctor.
I was obviously too kan cheong. The ultrasound could not pick up the embryo.
Got blood HCG testings done. Lucky the HCG levels were increasing normally.

Then subsequent weeks that followed, I continued testing for fun.
It was kind of like revenge on the pee sticks for all the negatives all those times.
(The ones in the background are part of my collection, they were mostly ovulation tests though).

 

Also I wanted to monitor that my HCG was still increasing.
At that point, I was terrified it was a chemical pregnancy. It would have killed me.

16th August took forever to come.
And voila! I present to you, the blob that is my pride and joy.
The ultrasound dated him/her at 7 weeks. We got 150bpm yo!
I'm in love already.

Energizer Night Race 2012

Date: 21st April 2012 (Saturday)
Time : 2000 hours
Venue : Sepang International Circuit
Distance : 42.195 km

We got to the venue bright and early this year.
I didn't want to repeat the grave mistake of arriving late and sprinting across the starting line again.

This is the third time I run a full marathon, but I am not too sure if I can actually use the word "run" in this case.
It was more of a limp towards the end.

At the starting line, all the other 499 runners were in high spirits.
I was the only one freaking out for I was probably the only person who did not train at all for this.

And I knew I would be paying the price.
Which I most definitely did.

The first 21 km was ok, rather enjoyable actually.
I maintained a very easy pace and clocked a little less than 3 hours.
I was hopeful at that point.

Everything started to go downhill after that.
And I wish I am referring to the route.

After the half-marathon mark, my suffering began.
Until now I am not sure how I managed to finish all the 5 outer laps.

For every lap, we were given a coloured ribbon.
It was a struggle to collect all 5.
Especially when it became clear that I was consistently 1 ribbon short compared to everyone else on the road.
Which meant that I was at least an hour behind the general population.

It was not easy resisting the temptation to cheat, there were plenty opportunities.
But the pride in me wouldn't allow it.
After I had convinced myself that taking the short cut is not an option, I had to face the next hurdle : giving up.
I told me that we'll do one more lap, then decide.
I promised myself that if I fainted, I could stop.
But I didn't.
When that lap was done, I psyched myself to do another one more.
And so the story went.

Till I finally qualified to re-enter the race circuit, which meant I had 4 more km to go.
That would be the longest 4 km of my life.

By then I had tire of all the songs on my iPod, and had switched to listening to Twilight (the movie).
I needed to focus on something else other than the task at hand.

To my surprise, MrP met me when I was drowning in pain and fatigue.
And he endured that last stretch with me, offering his quiet support and photography skills, and most importantly, water.

Also escorting me were a few medics and the organizer's volunteer.
At one point, I had an ambulance trailing me too.

With so many people on my back, obviously I couldn't stop.

Even when I really wanted to sit down on the race track and take a break.

I did pause a couple of times to ease the pain in my right hips, but the moment my legs stopped moving, the medics would be breathing down my neck checking to see if I was still alive and offering me a ride back to the finishing line.

I was too close to the end to give it up at that point.

I would not be able to live with myself if I did.

And the failure in Melaka few months ago came back to haunt me.

I had failed once. And that was already one time too many.

I would crawl to the finish if I had to.

When the end came in sight, I felt an unexplainable surge of energy I didn't know I still had.

Perhaps it was so many people cheering me on.

Or perhaps it was seeing cameras flashing.

I managed to "run" across the finishing line.

This kind man, bless his soul, was waiting to place the medal over my head.

I was grateful beyond words.

Needless to say, I was the very last person to come back.

In fact, I was holding everyone from packing up and going home.

All because I wanted so badly the medal and the finisher tee.

And for MrP to see that I did it.

Lesson learnt : I will not go for a run unprepared. Never again.

Official Results

AF - 07:47:30 (#28/45)

DP - 02:25:41 (#1273/1572)

Penang Bridge International Marathon 2011

pic credit to PBIM Facebook page

Date: 21st November 2011(Sunday)
Time : 0200 hours
Venue : Penang
Distance : 42.195 km

We took the morning flight up north. It was a beautiful sunrise, despite the jitters I felt in my stomach.

This is the long anticipated run that I've signed up for earlier this year, shortly after the Energizer Run.

I had thought that with my time in Sepang, I should be able to do this without much problem.

Last week I found out the Energizer route was only 39km.

Coupled with the sorry fact that I did almost zero training, it was then I began to freak out.

The view of the bridge from our hotel room did absolutely nothing to calm my nerves.

It was so far away that you could barely see it from this photo.

We did the prerequisite carb-loading ritual on Saturday... And went to bed at 3pm or so.

I began to really feel the butterflies when we approached the starting line.

MrP wished me luck and I think I told him I needed superpowers more.

About 10 minutes before the gun went off, I was standing amidst a sea of seasoned marathoners who all looked like they ran marathons every week (and ate people like me for breakfast). I tried to calm myself down and focused on the music blaring in my ears instead.

It was too late to chicken out.

And then it started.

The beginning was ok, I kept to my pace and looked forward to hitting the lit bridge that is the epitome of Penang.

The route took me to the industrial zone, past Intel and back.

When I actually saw the bridge, I was already tired.

Looking at my watch, it was only about 6 km or so.

My heart sank.

By this time, almost everyone in my category had left me behind.

On the way across the bridge towards Butterworth, there was no water available at the water stations.

Apparently they had run out.

So I had to gulp the energy gel without hydration.

It wasn't too long before the 21 km runners, who started an hour later, caught up with me.

And then overtook me.

Mid-bridge, they u-turned and headed back to the island.

I contemplated joining them. I thought of going back with the half-marathoners and perhaps I could blend in with the crowd, just get a half marathon medal and be done with it.

Then it occurred to me, if I did that, I would have clocked an extra 6 km and it would be rather stupid to go home with a medal for 21 km when I did 27.

So I looked on with much jealousy when everyone happily took the turn while I prod along, straight ahead.

It was a long way to the end of the bridge. It did not help boost my confidence to see most of the runners already making their ways back on the other side when I couldn't even see the end of the bridge in sight.

I was constantly plotting in my head how to fake a heart attack so that I'd have a reason to hitch a ride in the ambulance back to the finishing line.

I was also chiding myself not to be a fool and I had come this far. At that point, it was barely 21 km. Not really THAT far so to speak.

Finally I reached the turnaround point at the toll area, did a turn and headed back towards the island.

The whole length of the majestic bridge appeared before me the second time, like a monster threatening to crush me.

I kept going.

Looking at the choppy waves below every so often, I started to imagine how nice it would be to jump off the bridge into the cool waters.

Then I imagined me being in the headlines of the country's papers the next morning as the one runner who couldn't handle the mental pressure, went crazy and commited suicide.

Then I laughed maniacally a little, to myself.

I was starting to feel delusional and I knew it.

I was also severely dehydrated.

Somewhere in the middle of the long bridge, a boy scout, bless his soul, handed me a bottle of water.

I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to reach the island without collapsing.

Then I saw a sea of runners coming my way... The 10 km guys have started.

It was commotion for a while, as I tried to navigate anti-traffic. And these 10 km runners, having just began, were an energetic bunch.

I looked at their happy faces in envy. And tried not to think of what I must have looked like to them.

An almost broken lone soldier, seemingly lost amongst them, going in the opposite direction.

I got off the bridge. At long last.

The huge wave of semangat 10 km-ers did something to my insides.

I suddenly felt a surge of energy. I was at about 30 km.

Perhaps I had hit and overcame the legendary wall.

Perhaps that explained the unexpected alive-ness that I didn't see coming.

For some reason, I felt like I could go one for another 100 km at that point.

All I had to do now to continue along the Jelutong Expressway, make another turn and I'm on my way home.

Or so I thought.

Little did I know that this would be the most excruciating length of the run.

When I had expected the turnaround to be somewhere near e-Gate, I was wrong.

There were uphills and downhills along this never-ending road, something I had never noticed before when we travelled along by car.

I saw marathoners on the other side heading back, and I kept expecting to see the u-turn sign after the next hill.

For what felt like forever, that never happened.

I was negotiating with myself.

I told my legs that we would take a walk right after the u-turn.

I begged my legs to keep going.

I was starting to feel delusional again.

I even cried a little when I saw the sun rise over the sea on my right.

I was thinking about hopping into the ambulance again, it was especially appealing when I saw one parked at the medic station, with its inviting back doors wide opened.

I peeked in to see the stretcher-bed... Oh you have no idea how much I wanted to go in and lie down.

But the stubborness inside told me to keep going.

I did not fly to Penang, run 32 km plus, to fail and go home in an ambulance for goodness sake.

By this time, my right ankle issue that began at KM 7 was truly giving me hell.

I felt sharp stabs from my ankle right up to my hip every time my right foot landed on the tarmac.

It was by accident that I found a way to reduce the pain, by tightening my waist pouch straps around my hips, it created a sort of compression that made the pain more bearable.

I knew I would be paying for this later.

However, there was nothing more important than continuing on then.

After what felt like eternity, I finally saw it.

The final u-turn signboard that I had been dreaming of for the past 6 hours.

As a reward to my loyal legs, I stopped for a bit to get my ankle iced by a kind medic.

I sat down on the road, and never wanted to get up.

In fact, it took almost all the strength I had to not lie down and let the world go by.

Then I walked.

I knew I was screwed. Because even walking hurt as much as jogging.

I rationalised that since it was the same amount of pain, I would be prolonging my suffering by walking since it would take me longer to finish.

Time was running out.

I realised if I wanted to make it back in time before everyone packed up for the day, if I didn't want to be forced onto the sweeper bus that would be coming for me soon, I had to get a move on.

That last stretch must have tested my willpower to the maximum.

There wasn't a dry spot on my body.

And there wasn't a square centimeter of my lower half that didn't hurt.

But that was not my main problem.

The sun had come out and it was starting to get really hot.

My mind was threatening to break down.

I was ready to throw in the towel.

I wanted to give up more than anything else.

I was THAT close to throwing away every effort I had put in for the past 38 km.

Several times I yelled out "fuck this" under my breath.

But everytime I started to walk, I willed myself to jog a little bit more.

I remembered that pain is temporary. Or so they say.

I remembered that I had to crawl if I must.

There was no way in hell I am not going to endure that 3 km more.

Then a wave of yellow hit me.

The 5 km fun runners, strolling along like they were at a shopping mall.

Laughing, chit-chatting, and more frustratingly, blocking my way.

If I had a little more energy in me, I would've screamed or beaten someone up at that point.

I threaded through the happy Sunday morning strollers, and forced myself to keep calm.

The end was near.

A last turn to the left, I saw the mini roundabout.

And then the finishing line finally came in sight.

Usually when I did 21 km runs, I would pick up speed and sprint the last 500 meters.

This time, my body and soul were so close to broken that I did not have it in me.

I managed to jog that last bit. If you can call it that.

In actual fact, I was slower than most people walking.

MrP suddenly appeared in front of me with the camera.
I wanted to collapse in his arms there and then.
It meant a lot to have you there waiting for me Sayang.
And it meant even more that you were there at the 6th hour mark expecting me to be back.
You really overestimated me hahaha...

I managed a weak smile.

I figured a thumbs up that I did not the least bit feel would look better on photo than a thumbs down.

And there, the moment that I had been pining for.

That one ultimate thing that had me going, step after step, hour after hour.

The joy that I was anticipating, was nothing compared to what I felt when it happened.

I crossed the finishing line.

Alive.

Right after, I sat down on the nearest spot and teared.
The elation I felt was indescribable.
I finally did it.
My first real marathon.

In fact, my Garmin forerunner informed me that the total distance I did was actually 43 km.
I got an XXL finisher tee.
Apparently that was the only size left because some shameless people took more than one, and some who didn't do the 42 km also grabbed what they were not entitled to.
But I guess I should be glad that at least I got a medal and tee. From what I've heard, there were many who didn't get either upon completing.
We hung around for a bit, after I got my emotions in check, to snap some pics.
I couldn't find water at the finishing area, so we went to the nearest mamak for 100 plus.

I leaned on MrP and limped back to the hotel, took a hot shower and crashed for the next 4 hours.
The front desk rudely woke me up with her incessant telephone calls, informing me that we had 10 minutes to check out because someone else was waiting for our room.

We went to Friday's for lunch, and tried to kill the 5 hours we had before our flight home.

I am definitely grateful for MrP.

For going along with the ordeal and only complaining a little about what I put him through.

I love you Sayang.

(I may consider giving you my XXL finisher tee... Let me think about it first.)

After we got back to KL, we had our satay dinner.

It was a little disappointing... didn't taste as good as they used to.

But that didn't matter.

All that really mattered to me was that I did it.
Even though my timing was 7 hours and 6 minutes or so...
I did it.
I was tempted but didn't cheat.
I was broken but didn't break down.
I had given up a million times over in my head, but in the end I didn't get on that ambulance.

And I have proven to myself that I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for.

The nightmare route map.

I don't think I'll be doing this again.

At least, not until the pain subsides and I start itching for the adrenaline rush again.

In the mean time, I am just happy to bask in the glory.

:)

Official Results
AF - 7:08:02
DP - 3:14:55

Putrajaya Night Marathon 2011

Date: 15th Oct 2011 (Saturday)
Time : 2020 hours
Venue : Putrajaya
Distance : 21 km

We got there before 7pm... which gave us ample time to put on our shoes, shove energy gels into our pockets, take photos, slather on Vaseline and a whole lot of other pre-race stuff that we usually have to do.

Thankfully the skies were forgiving and did not pour on us.
MrP had threatened to stay in the car if it rained... Apparently he doesn't particularly enjoy running in the rain (unlike me...).

We managed to snag a very good parking spot, right in front of the event area.

MrP's brother bailed on us last minute...

Poser guy...

OK one more and we are off!

This run, also as expected, was challenging.
The up-slopes were unforgiving and I struggled.
My right ankle was not in the best shape, and the pain started before I even hit the halfway mark.
Thanks to a stranger who paced with me for a while, I managed to work up some semangatness to actually run (as opposed to jog/walk/crawl) some way.
But obviously, my lousy ankle paid the price later.

The finishing line was a welcomed sight.
And I think the nicest part was that there were volunteers standing there waiting to place the medal around my neck... I was so happy to see their smiling faces.
That definitely beats some runs where they make you queue up for gift packs and the medal is unceremoniously shoved inside.

The happy MrP :)

Official Results
AF - 3:02:54 (#177/264)
DP - 3:19:06 (#760/804)

Afternote:
I am seriously reconsidering my earlier decision to do a full at Penang next month...
I think I am in worse shape than when I did Energizer... And I am also beginning to suspect that Energizer may not have been a full 42km.
Sigh.....

Update :
Just found out, Energizer was actually 39.4km only.
Super potong steam.

Adidas King Of The Road 2011

Date: 2nd Oct 2011 (Sunday)
Time : 0645 hours
Venue : Sunway Pyramid
Distance : 16.8 km

It has been 2 months since my last run. As in since the last time I set foot on running and not my last race. Hence I had expected this to turn out badly. And I was right.
It was a struggle, the 16.8km.
Of course I was a little disappointed... But who else is to blame?

The view was pretty good though.
With the elevation of the NPE, I watched the sunrise along the highway. It was breezy and the adrenaline made it thoroughly enjoyable despite the pain.

The next one coming up will be Putrajaya Night Marathon, a little less than two weeks from today.
I think I'm gonna have to put in a bit of training for that... As soon as the swelling in my right ankle goes down.

Bad timing aside, I had a lot of fun with Mr P.

Official Results
AF - 2:22:40 (#509)
DP - 2:30:40 (#1888)

It's back to the drawing board...

...quite literally actually.

For more than a week I have been having the symptons.
Eating like a cow, boobs feeling more tender, waistline expanding, zits popping up, crying during movies... you know, the usual.
I swear it must be some kind of a joke, I mean whoever came up with the list for pre-menstrual symptons must have thought it was a good idea to use that exact same list for pregnancy symptons!

Again, I am back to contributing substantially to the pregnancy test kits industry (and also the ovulation test kits industry as well).
And again, like so many thousands of times before, I get my period one day after testing negative.
Story of my life really.

So this time round, I am going to be more "accurate".
I now have my cervical mucus chart and my basal body temperature chart ready.
I am going to study very seriously, for the first time in my 32 years, my menstrual cycle.
It is kind of doing too much too soon actually, since I still don't have my baby-daddy's agreement to try for another one.
But I want to do the homework this time.
I want to pinpoint it down to the very last detail so that I can be sure what days are my best bets to have a girl.

I don't know how to explain it in words how much I want a girl.
But to give things a perspective, I would say that I want that more than I want a Birkin and a million bucks put together.

So yeah... this begins my quest for a mini-me.

It has been 14 days...

... or it will be in another 3 hours' time to be exact.

This whole abstinence exercise is strange.
On some days, it is tougher than expected. And then on others, it is a breeze.

The past few days have proven to be a nightmare.
I have had consecutive dreams of lighting up, and I would be extremely disappointed with myself.
When I wake up, I would be glad that it was all a dream, but at the same time, wished I had known earlier so that I could've taken a few drags.

It is very painful for my soul.
And today, for reasons I have yet to figure out, I am dying to go out, have a few beers and smoke.
Sigh.

TheRebel's Marathon

The school organized a 1.6KM run today, they called it a marathon (-_-)"
I never thought I'd live to see a race that is worse-organized that Energizer 2011, but I was wrong.
Almost 1.5 hours of commotion... registration and bib-distribution was a mess... no clear signs of where to go... the PA system sucked, nobody could hear what the announcer was saying.

OK I think I am setting my hopes a bit high.
This is a free school run after all.
Perhaps I've been to too many runs and they are usually well managed.

The children obviously didn't mind the wait, for they stood around joking and playing.
I realised that perhaps we should take a que from the kids and take it easy.
I imagined that if this was a real running event, people would be rioting by now.

Finally, the run started.

Quite gaya also...

Time to get bib and food coupon : 1 hour 50 minutess
Time of actual run (1.6km) : 12 minutes

The parents had their turns too.
I should've joined in the fun, but I didn't register in advance.

 

I found one paparazzi photo of me being someone's sidekick...

Care-lay-fare...

This is what happens when I don't don the rainbow bandana!